As most of you may know, this blog is my spiritual and physical journey to homemaking and homeschooling. So get ready to ramble...
Weekly my daughter and I take a trip to the local library (my constant reminder that not all social government programs are bad!) and I started to explore the many resources of home skills available with just a swipe of my library card. It got me to thinking of how much stuff I could be learning for practically nothing if only I had the time.
Time-what a sweet and rare commodity these days! I feel so bad when my daughter cries for me to stay home with her when I leave for class right after finishing a 9-hr day at work; it all breaks my heart, yet I'm in no position to make any drastic changes now, nor is my husband.
I know it can be a lot of pressure on him and I completely understand his logic in approaching this situation of homemaking/homeschooling. To be quite honest, we both desire a lifestyle that at this point requires both of our income. I'm just struggling to strike the balance of supporting my husband and staying on top of my other obligations. Only now do I understand that homekeeping is much more than maintaining chores and baking fresh bread (no offense); it's creating regimine that edifies your husband and family as unto the Lord. It's not necessarily what all you accomplish each day, but what your motives are for juggling several competing tasks. After re-reading Proverbs 31 and 2 Tim, I've come to the conclusion that overall our priority should be to provide the best life for our loved ones; we are to be a Godly example through our tenderness, compassion, devotion, and constant sacrifice. It's not necessarily about going to whether or not I should go to work, but rather know why I'm going to work whether or not I am using my earned income to support my husband's role. My income should not be made solely to adorn myself in the latest fashions, jet set on girls-only vacations to Vegas, or flaunt my wages in my husband's face to bring him shame. Yet to show support to him by maybe absorbing the cost of our health or car insurance, paying for those tiny utilities we "need" like cell phones, internet, and cable. Perhaps I choose to work so that we can take a family vacation every two years. I've got my reasons at this point, but for the future, as our daughter gets older, we will really need to re-establish what our motives for my earned income will be for.
I also must admit that I've grown more flexible with the homeschooling thing. It's still the primary form of education we want to use for our children, but not the only. I'll discuss that later.I warned you that through my process, I'll be changing. I think that marks a geunitiy of someone really striving to get it as close to right as possible.
I believe my current state of frustration has been the clash of morals I constantly confront in my studies. School has been so frustrating, particularly English, because it constantly challenges my moral and idealistic views. I'm flexible, but sometimes it's overwhelming to constantly defend myself and beliefs against the whole class on issues of feminism, gun control, marriage, etc. Professors toss their opinions around as truth and any challenge just makes me have to work harder for a decent grade on a class that I pay for! It's absurd! This constant bombardment of oppositional views have really weighed heavy on my heart and more recently has caused me to hide myself from the world of homemaking. I've noticed my house has not been cleaned as it should-dishes stay in the sink for days at a time, I haven't cooked in at least of week nor made lunch, and let's not even talk about paying attention to myself physically! I've fallen into this abyss of "what to do?". This sememster, thankfully so, is almost over. I think I need to go back to the drawing board and examine how many classes I can take. In fact, I really abhor the academic freedom that professor have, because they can choose to give you as much or as little work as they fancy; you never really know what your workload will be like until you sign up for the class. There's always the option of dropping, but new laws have just been put in place in my state that students will acquire more fees if they've dropped classes more than 6 times.
On a lighter note-the family enjoyed watching Fiddler on The Roof this past weekend as a string of storms hung over our city. It reminded me that I must stay optimistic even in the most dire of situations. I'm truly in awe of those of you who are have a heart after God's desire for the woman and who follow that as best you know how whole-heartily and with earnest intentions. God bless you all!
In need of some inspirational wisdom...
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Monday, March 16, 2009
Update: School and Working
Pieced together by: Mama M at 9:35 AM
Labels: education, homeschool, self-image, stay at home
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2 comments:
When I went back to college to finish up my degree, I was a 31 year old stay at home mom of three kids. A Bible believing Christian with very conservative views. I encountered the same relentless challenging as you do. I got through it, and you will too.
Pray before you go to class. And pick your battles. Of course, now that everyone knows where you stand, you'll sometimes be drawn into discussions that you never intended to broach. Ask the Lord to put His words in your mouth. God's word makes sense, even though it requires our faith. There were times that I was shocked by the logic and coherence of the arguments that came out my mouth on behalf of God's ways.
You can do this. And as hard as it may be, take care of home as best you can. When it's all said in done, your God-given responsibility to love your husband, guard your home, and train your kids must be a priority. Regardless of what else is going on. And talk to your husband about the stress you are feeling. That really helped me along the way.
You are right about what homemaking is and isn't. It is so much more than fresh baked bread and maintaining chores.
For my husband, it's about being available to help him with doing expense reports and invoicing private clients. Sometimes that means morning chores are delayed or skipped.He is also more concerned with whether the babies have been read to than whether there's fresh baked bread. I believe the most important role of a wife is to be a suitable helper to her husband.
I also agree with you on your financial points. Frankly, I believe America is in for a hard way to go over the next few years (and I would believe that no matter who was President). It's only wise to learn to change our lifestyles and priorities and save while we have a chance.
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