Update: School and Working

As most of you may know, this blog is my spiritual and physical journey to homemaking and homeschooling. So get ready to ramble...


Weekly my daughter and I take a trip to the local library (my constant reminder that not all social government programs are bad!) and I started to explore the many resources of home skills available with just a swipe of my library card. It got me to thinking of how much stuff I could be learning for practically nothing if only I had the time.

Time-what a sweet and rare commodity these days! I feel so bad when my daughter cries for me to stay home with her when I leave for class right after finishing a 9-hr day at work; it all breaks my heart, yet I'm in no position to make any drastic changes now, nor is my husband.

I know it can be a lot of pressure on him and I completely understand his logic in approaching this situation of homemaking/homeschooling. To be quite honest, we both desire a lifestyle that at this point requires both of our income. I'm just struggling to strike the balance of supporting my husband and staying on top of my other obligations. Only now do I understand that homekeeping is much more than maintaining chores and baking fresh bread (no offense); it's creating regimine that edifies your husband and family as unto the Lord. It's not necessarily what all you accomplish each day, but what your motives are for juggling several competing tasks. After re-reading Proverbs 31 and 2 Tim, I've come to the conclusion that overall our priority should be to provide the best life for our loved ones; we are to be a Godly example through our tenderness, compassion, devotion, and constant sacrifice. It's not necessarily about going to whether or not I should go to work, but rather know why I'm going to work whether or not I am using my earned income to support my husband's role. My income should not be made solely to adorn myself in the latest fashions, jet set on girls-only vacations to Vegas, or flaunt my wages in my husband's face to bring him shame. Yet to show support to him by maybe absorbing the cost of our health or car insurance, paying for those tiny utilities we "need" like cell phones, internet, and cable. Perhaps I choose to work so that we can take a family vacation every two years. I've got my reasons at this point, but for the future, as our daughter gets older, we will really need to re-establish what our motives for my earned income will be for.
I also must admit that I've grown more flexible with the homeschooling thing. It's still the primary form of education we want to use for our children, but not the only. I'll discuss that later.I warned you that through my process, I'll be changing. I think that marks a geunitiy of someone really striving to get it as close to right as possible.


I believe my current state of frustration has been the clash of morals I constantly confront in my studies. School has been so frustrating, particularly English, because it constantly challenges my moral and idealistic views. I'm flexible, but sometimes it's overwhelming to constantly defend myself and beliefs against the whole class on issues of feminism, gun control, marriage, etc. Professors toss their opinions around as truth and any challenge just makes me have to work harder for a decent grade on a class that I pay for! It's absurd! This constant bombardment of oppositional views have really weighed heavy on my heart and more recently has caused me to hide myself from the world of homemaking. I've noticed my house has not been cleaned as it should-dishes stay in the sink for days at a time, I haven't cooked in at least of week nor made lunch, and let's not even talk about paying attention to myself physically! I've fallen into this abyss of "what to do?". This sememster, thankfully so, is almost over. I think I need to go back to the drawing board and examine how many classes I can take. In fact, I really abhor the academic freedom that professor have, because they can choose to give you as much or as little work as they fancy; you never really know what your workload will be like until you sign up for the class. There's always the option of dropping, but new laws have just been put in place in my state that students will acquire more fees if they've dropped classes more than 6 times.

On a lighter note-the family enjoyed watching Fiddler on The Roof this past weekend as a string of storms hung over our city. It reminded me that I must stay optimistic even in the most dire of situations. I'm truly in awe of those of you who are have a heart after God's desire for the woman and who follow that as best you know how whole-heartily and with earnest intentions. God bless you all!

In need of some inspirational wisdom...

A Sobering Truth...

It's been a while since I've had moment to blog, but this subject is all to real for me to not blog about it.

Apparently, just from this blog community alone, there are a lot of women blessed to have a husband that is able to act as the sole provider. Some of those same husbands probably never saw it going any other way than how it is now.

Unfortunately though for some of us, that type of partner is just a mirage.

Now, don't get me wrong, my husband would love to be able to pay the majority of the bills. I'm finding that a lot of men really have a true fear of being the sole provider; what is that about?

Before, as some of you may read, I was planning to be nurse for part-time and my husband was fully on board with me homeschooling Paris and then going to work in the evening; I struck the perfect balance of housewife and working mother. Last night, upon leaving my class @ 8:30 p.m. and heading to grocery store to pick a few items out for dinner, I realized that my heart truly is at being home full-time. Let's face it, housework and homeschooling are two full-time jobs themselves. So I was talking to myself and I thought, if I can't stand to be away @ night for 2-2 1/2 hours, what will I do when I work a 8, 10, or 12 hour shift?

So, after some deep reflection in the parking lot, I entered the store to find our quick dinner solution. Oh, there's that feeling again! Why am I here @ 9:00 p.m. trying to find a quick dinner solution for my family? Who's really getting neglected in my pursuit of the "perfect balance"?

So, later that night I thought to bring up the subject with my husband. I was so excited to reveal my "a ha!" moment to him. Surprisingly, he was not in agreement with my theory. He felt as though I was just too inconsistent (which I can be sometimes) and that I was actually being selfish, because I know there's no way he can take care of all the bills himself. Wow!

Prior to my transformation in Christ, I was eager to get into school and accomplish my own personal goals, you know, the ones I set pre-marriage & baby? So, for the past year I have been trying to sort-of dilute my original dreams to seem more "well-rounded". Well, in trying to explain that to him I saw a huge line being drawn in between us. For the first time, I saw that my husband was scared and really was not sure if he was too confident in his ability to be the "man of the house"; He wasn't to sure if he could make my new dream life a reality.

The funny thing about this though is that I didn't know it was just my dream.

Praying for some wisdom....