Update: School and Working

As most of you may know, this blog is my spiritual and physical journey to homemaking and homeschooling. So get ready to ramble...


Weekly my daughter and I take a trip to the local library (my constant reminder that not all social government programs are bad!) and I started to explore the many resources of home skills available with just a swipe of my library card. It got me to thinking of how much stuff I could be learning for practically nothing if only I had the time.

Time-what a sweet and rare commodity these days! I feel so bad when my daughter cries for me to stay home with her when I leave for class right after finishing a 9-hr day at work; it all breaks my heart, yet I'm in no position to make any drastic changes now, nor is my husband.

I know it can be a lot of pressure on him and I completely understand his logic in approaching this situation of homemaking/homeschooling. To be quite honest, we both desire a lifestyle that at this point requires both of our income. I'm just struggling to strike the balance of supporting my husband and staying on top of my other obligations. Only now do I understand that homekeeping is much more than maintaining chores and baking fresh bread (no offense); it's creating regimine that edifies your husband and family as unto the Lord. It's not necessarily what all you accomplish each day, but what your motives are for juggling several competing tasks. After re-reading Proverbs 31 and 2 Tim, I've come to the conclusion that overall our priority should be to provide the best life for our loved ones; we are to be a Godly example through our tenderness, compassion, devotion, and constant sacrifice. It's not necessarily about going to whether or not I should go to work, but rather know why I'm going to work whether or not I am using my earned income to support my husband's role. My income should not be made solely to adorn myself in the latest fashions, jet set on girls-only vacations to Vegas, or flaunt my wages in my husband's face to bring him shame. Yet to show support to him by maybe absorbing the cost of our health or car insurance, paying for those tiny utilities we "need" like cell phones, internet, and cable. Perhaps I choose to work so that we can take a family vacation every two years. I've got my reasons at this point, but for the future, as our daughter gets older, we will really need to re-establish what our motives for my earned income will be for.
I also must admit that I've grown more flexible with the homeschooling thing. It's still the primary form of education we want to use for our children, but not the only. I'll discuss that later.I warned you that through my process, I'll be changing. I think that marks a geunitiy of someone really striving to get it as close to right as possible.


I believe my current state of frustration has been the clash of morals I constantly confront in my studies. School has been so frustrating, particularly English, because it constantly challenges my moral and idealistic views. I'm flexible, but sometimes it's overwhelming to constantly defend myself and beliefs against the whole class on issues of feminism, gun control, marriage, etc. Professors toss their opinions around as truth and any challenge just makes me have to work harder for a decent grade on a class that I pay for! It's absurd! This constant bombardment of oppositional views have really weighed heavy on my heart and more recently has caused me to hide myself from the world of homemaking. I've noticed my house has not been cleaned as it should-dishes stay in the sink for days at a time, I haven't cooked in at least of week nor made lunch, and let's not even talk about paying attention to myself physically! I've fallen into this abyss of "what to do?". This sememster, thankfully so, is almost over. I think I need to go back to the drawing board and examine how many classes I can take. In fact, I really abhor the academic freedom that professor have, because they can choose to give you as much or as little work as they fancy; you never really know what your workload will be like until you sign up for the class. There's always the option of dropping, but new laws have just been put in place in my state that students will acquire more fees if they've dropped classes more than 6 times.

On a lighter note-the family enjoyed watching Fiddler on The Roof this past weekend as a string of storms hung over our city. It reminded me that I must stay optimistic even in the most dire of situations. I'm truly in awe of those of you who are have a heart after God's desire for the woman and who follow that as best you know how whole-heartily and with earnest intentions. God bless you all!

In need of some inspirational wisdom...

The Seed of Mind-Changing Thoughts

I originally posted this on my old blog @ Xanga, but I think it is still relevant to the whole transformation I am currently undergoing. My mind has to be in tact in order for me to give my daughter what she needs from me as a mother and as her educator. This past summer I had started (and still haven't finished to much of my regret), a wonderful book. Here was the blog inspired by my readings.

I am currently indulging myself in the book titled: Classic African American Women's Narratives, which I find to be so disturbingly relevant to today. The book edited by William L. Andrews, spans narratives composed by pioneer African American female writers during the late 1800s. Being newly freed of the physical bondage of slavery, these women sought to evoke the spirits of other freed and enslaved women alike in a way to bring about a bold and daring self-confidence. They wanted for women to know their responsibility in the divine concatenation of revolution. An idealist myself, I find a distinct degree of relation to the shared mission of these various authors. I too feel the need to call out to our women to dig deep for that self-esteem that has been buried under centuries of oppression; to rise up and not only challenge society's influence and morality for our children, but to also be a seed in the foundation of progress. I firmly believe that everyone is capable of doing something incredibly revolutionary; being that we are created in the image of the Creator Himself which means we are modeled in supernatural greatness. For me, I find the struggle is not obtain the tools and skills necessary to bring about positive changes, but yet understanding and affirming your own identity and purpose in the struggle. As the narratives aim to touch the sentiments of women into soul searching, I want to stir the satisfaction of the mothers of africa for their sons and daughters alike. I believe that with God first, purpose second, and education a close third, there is nothing impossible for any single being to accomplish. Purpose again being the most difficult of the three to attain, is and has always I fear been the downfall of our past and present generations. When slavery took captivity of thousands of native African civilians, purpose began to dwindle into a near nonexistence. Without a reason to live, what reason do you have to change? Why would anyone care sincerely about, much less study and act upon a plan, which I believe to be divine, constructed to promote our community into fulfillment? Comfort is all too easily clenched and favored by the average African American, that we have begin to grow content with the mediocrity that has been pacifying us since the Civil Rights Movement. The need for change seems to be the only thing consistent and relevant from today and yesterday. It makes me wonder if things are really much different than the times in which these authors wrote with such passion and despair.

Looking back on my original post, little did I know at the time, but God had already placed the seed in me to begin looking for alternative routes for education. Initally, I wanted to start a private school with the efforts of like minds, but you know how that tends to go. Nevertheless, my dream for an ideal and Godly education has not ceased. In fact, my passion to pursue it has only intensified, thus homeschool. As an african-american mother, I definitely feel the need to sow so much positive self-image and Godly-habits and practices, that homeschool seems to be my only satifying option. I just thought it was highly interesting to see some of my development in just a few months...living proof that God is working!

Homeschool - The Decision

After an inner-struggle that lasted for about a year, I've come to the conclusion, along with my husband's consent, that my daughter and any future children of ours will be homeschooled. I've done some research and have gained a lot of motivation to do so. Right now I am currently working and attending evening classes with my prospective BSN in mind. Unfortunately, my family is not in a position to where only one spouse can work, but I am learning day by day to appreciate that for what it is: a sacrifice. I also believe that this season is preparing me and molding me into becoming the multi-tasking, highly organized, and well-motivated woman I was created to be. I have identified the qualities that I must allow God to fully develop in me, that I may be able to accomplish my vision for my family. Allowing for this moment in my life to shape me into my super-self will not only help me to accomplish my dreams of homeschool and work, but to enjoy it as well. This journey will be the first of our family and as hoped, we can be an example of what level of excellence families are able to perform at with the will of God and determination being priority. In knowing that all things I do are done through Christ, I know that I am well-able and equipped for what life brings. Though it may not be an easy feat, I trust the rewards will be lasting. Education in the home is not the only way to teach a child by far, but I do believe it's the most enriching and pleasing to God! It challenges the parent/teacher to use every single opportunity life gives to the benefit of their child(ren) as we were directed to do (Deut 11:18-21). I am excited to get started, but I know I have a while before that first full week of instruction will come. Until then, I will make good use of my new decision and work it as a motivational tool for me; it willbe used to push me to do excellent in school and keep me focused on what is most important to me: my family. So as I transition into homeschooling full time and working part-time, I hope to connect with others mothers, who are both established and new in this world of home education, and learn as much as I can. Homeschooling is such a powerful tool to fend our family from wordly influence and I am so impressed with those who have already chosen to go that route. Praise to God and may I soon be able to follow in your steps!