Spring Cleaning

My spring cleaning relates more to the clutter in my head, rather than my house. I don't know about you guys, but it's so easy for me to cloud my head with so many dreams, ideas, and notions.

Last week, I made a decision to drop two classes I was taking; I had already complete 2 this semester and still have one that I attend on Monday and Wednesday evenings. I'm telling you, I was beginning to forget my own name!

Anyway, I must say that relieving myself of some of the pressure of finishing school before Princess P is 5 has really lightened the weight on my head!

My God, I would go through this long list of what ifs, and what did I forget, and Oh man, I still have two more chapters to read...

It was crazy.

I'm still learning to pace myself with this whole wife/mom/teacher/daughter/sister/friend/employee/student/sane-type-o-woman deal.

Pray for me guys! I'll write a more thoughtful post when my time and my thoughts finally align!

:)

A Sobering Truth...

It's been a while since I've had moment to blog, but this subject is all to real for me to not blog about it.

Apparently, just from this blog community alone, there are a lot of women blessed to have a husband that is able to act as the sole provider. Some of those same husbands probably never saw it going any other way than how it is now.

Unfortunately though for some of us, that type of partner is just a mirage.

Now, don't get me wrong, my husband would love to be able to pay the majority of the bills. I'm finding that a lot of men really have a true fear of being the sole provider; what is that about?

Before, as some of you may read, I was planning to be nurse for part-time and my husband was fully on board with me homeschooling Paris and then going to work in the evening; I struck the perfect balance of housewife and working mother. Last night, upon leaving my class @ 8:30 p.m. and heading to grocery store to pick a few items out for dinner, I realized that my heart truly is at being home full-time. Let's face it, housework and homeschooling are two full-time jobs themselves. So I was talking to myself and I thought, if I can't stand to be away @ night for 2-2 1/2 hours, what will I do when I work a 8, 10, or 12 hour shift?

So, after some deep reflection in the parking lot, I entered the store to find our quick dinner solution. Oh, there's that feeling again! Why am I here @ 9:00 p.m. trying to find a quick dinner solution for my family? Who's really getting neglected in my pursuit of the "perfect balance"?

So, later that night I thought to bring up the subject with my husband. I was so excited to reveal my "a ha!" moment to him. Surprisingly, he was not in agreement with my theory. He felt as though I was just too inconsistent (which I can be sometimes) and that I was actually being selfish, because I know there's no way he can take care of all the bills himself. Wow!

Prior to my transformation in Christ, I was eager to get into school and accomplish my own personal goals, you know, the ones I set pre-marriage & baby? So, for the past year I have been trying to sort-of dilute my original dreams to seem more "well-rounded". Well, in trying to explain that to him I saw a huge line being drawn in between us. For the first time, I saw that my husband was scared and really was not sure if he was too confident in his ability to be the "man of the house"; He wasn't to sure if he could make my new dream life a reality.

The funny thing about this though is that I didn't know it was just my dream.

Praying for some wisdom....